5 Facts about me


Cows are my favourite animal.

I am not too sure where my love and obsession for cows came from, but I think that they are the beautiful animals in the world. For my 18th birthday, my parents got me an amazing cake in the shape of a Simmental cow. It was so beautifully made I almost didn’t want to cut the cake open. When my daughter, Gabriella was born one of the local farms named a cow ‘Gabz’ after her because they knew how much I loved cows. I’m sure you will have heard of crazy cat ladies, well I’m the crazy cow lady.

My favourite place is Westendorf, in Austria.

I could write a whole post on why I love Westendorf so much, which I might even do one day. It holds such a special place in my heart because it is where I spent many of my family holidays. My dad and I both share a love for Westendorf, and when we are there, we go on walks just the two of us. These walks are some of my most treasured memories. Westendorf is my happy place and where I feel most myself, and whenever I am having a down day, I visualise being in the mountains, and I instantly feel better. I love how freeing it is to walk in the mountains, with no one around but my dad and I and I can’t wait to go back one day with Gabriella and Ava.

I am extremely impatient

One of my traits that I have passed down to Gabriella and Ava is my impatience. Everyone that knows me would agree that I have absolutely no patience. I hate waiting, I can’t stand having to ask people multiple times to do things, and it frustrates me when people dilly-dally. As much as I probably annoy those around me with how impatient I am I like to see it as I am driven. Both my daughters are extremely inpatient too which has made me appreciate how annoying it can be for others but then again, I tell myself that they are assertive and that I am creating strong females who know what they want.

I can’t stand birds

I completely understand that having a fear of birds is entirely irrational, but I just can’t seem to get over it. For as long as I can remember I have always had nightmares, actual nightmares about birds. Even when taking my daughters to the lake to feed the ducks I end up getting so panicky when the birds come close. I try to justify it to myself because birds don’t have facial expressions and I don’t like the idea that you can’t tell what they are thinking (I know it sounds crazy). I’m sure there is a deep-rooted explanation hidden somewhere in my past, but when I was younger, I remember helping my dad hand feed the pigeons, and going to bird shows, so I’m not sure where the fear comes from.

I will talk to anyone

I got this fact from my friend who suggested this, and it is very accurate. When I was younger, my mum would always warn me to be careful because I would talk to everyone. My parents say that on the flight home with me from Romania I kept turning round to the seats behind me to try and chat and smile to a group of young men in the seats behind. They probably should have guessed then that I loved to talk. Whether someone is old, or young, male or female, I will talk to them. One of the great things about my blogging journey so far is all of the amazing people that I have been able to connect with and get to know. I often am told that I am very easy to chat to which is lovely. I think this is because I take everyone at face value and rarely listen to the opinions of others.




The Unknown of Adoption

Many psychologists agree that the first three years of a child’s life are vital for various aspects of development, so when two out of the three years is entirely unknown, it always feels as if something is missing. Not knowing anything other than the names of my biological parents and that I had siblings was something that I struggled with. Although now, after research and help from people I have found out some more information (I would like to do a separate dedicated post on my search so far) I have still been left with so many more questions. People reading this would probably think that my biggest problem or the biggest question would be why was I put up for adoption. I believe that this is true for when I was younger, but as I grew up, my feelings changed. I no longer care about why I was put up for adoption because to me it doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing could be said to take away the fact that I was put up for adoption, and I now have a family that love me and care for me more than anyone else ever has.

I have always had an active imagination, and when I was young I would imagine different scenarios and what would happen if I met my biological family, but the reality was that I knew nothing at all. I didn’t know if they were alive, or where they lived or even if the information that I had was accurate. I always have been very open about the fact that I was adopted and am proud of my background and where I come from although I don’t know the specific details.

When I was younger, I would always feel awkward when other children would talk about when they were babies, or what their first words were. Not because I felt embarrassed about my past but because I simply didn’t know how to answer and I didn’t know myself. I would often get questions about why I looked different when I was in primary school since I am a bit more tanned and have dark hair and eyes, living in a small Scottish rural town this wasn’t very common. I much prefer when people ask me questions if they have any instead of just making assumptions. Other kids would often talk about the similarities that they shared with their parents, such as if they were sporty like their dad, or artistic like their mum. I didn’t have anything to reference to which I’m sure that you can imagine, often would leave me feeling incomplete.

I have never been someone that likes to share how I feel so I would try and deal with the complex emotions which come with adoption by myself. At the time I thought I was dealing things by just keeping them in my head and not sharing anything with anyone but now I know I was suppressing my feelings. Throughout high school, I struggled with my sense of self, and it was when my mental health issues became apparent although I did my best to try and hide them yet again. A lot of my close friends new that I was adopted and would always offer to be there as support if I wanted it but instead I would often push them away because I knew that they would never actually understand.

When I fell pregnant with Gabriella and with Ava, the unknown of my past was highlighted again. I had no information on my family history. I was unsure if there were any hereditary issues that I should have been aware of, or if twins ran in my family or even any information about my own birth. I found it quite worrying not having any information but thankfully the majority of the nurses and midwives were very understanding bar one. I was born with Sprengel shoulder, and my spine and top few ribs are not quite right, so I was worried that it could have been passed down genetically as I had read that in some rare cases it could be genetic and girls are at higher risk of developing Sprengel shoulder. Thankfully both girls were checked over thoroughly when they were born, and there have been no signs of any issues.

I look at Gabriella (3) and Ava (2), and I can already see so much of their personalities developing, but I know nothing of that time of my life. I was brought to the UK from Romania when I was 20 months old. By that age, both of my daughters were walking and talking, and I was able to have conversations with them. I knew their likes and dislikes. I knew what made them scared and how to comfort them and what made them happy. I feel like when I am with the girls; I can almost see the people that they are becoming and I genuinely believe that the first years are so important in defining who you become as you grow up. Not knowing anything about that time, other than a few notes on my development is something that I know I will never get answers.

I think the best way for me to describe the feeling to someone else would be to hand them a book and tell them only to read the second half. You get an understanding of what happens, but not why. Part of me thinks that I will never feel closure because I will never get answers to the questions that I have been asking my entire life. There are many aspects of my personality and mental health that will remain unanswered and unknown and that, for me, is the hardest part of adoption. The unknown.



The Beginning

After years of wanting to start my own blog, I’ve decided to take the plunge and go for it. This year I am wanting to put more focus on doing what makes me happy.

I am 22, born Romania and adopted to Scotland just before my second birthday. I have two daughters, Gabriella, who is almost 3 and Ava who is almost 2. The girls completely transformed my life for the better. Becoming a parent has definitely had its ups and downs and has forced me to face many difficult emotions I had not dealt with surrounding my adoption.

The main reason I wanted to start this blog was to document my journey through motherhood. Growing up I had always been desperate to have children and it has been a life changing experience. Every day brings new challenges and gives me another reason to smile.

I hope you enjoy reading and if you have any questions please feel free to get in touch. I would love to hear from you.

Nicola x